They say in life you gotta deal with the hand you're delt with
Maybe I got a bad hand but I have this pen
To conjure up words with to speak soft sentiments and phrases to warm your fabric stained heart wrapped in a blanket just so you can keep warm on winter nights
To make your bones shiver and quake at the evocation of emotion that slowly binds you like vines on the highest bough on the tree of life
I have this fear of living my life
Being afraid of anything or anyone that moves near me in a cowardly process of masochism and self defeating prophecies
and to keep my past from creeping under my skin
And to raise my state of mind up from the bedrock I walk on every day to be put up on display like a statue that is molded by steel and stands tall through icy winters and blistering summers
Take away my hedonistic patterns of behavior that have molded my person into self righteous rants on how my way is best
Trying to realize how empathy works and being less sure about people, but to love them unconditionally through their flaws and imperfections that my love will encapsulate through the pores on their face
My love will drown all those who sink and shatter under the weight of my heavy heart
Time to jump in, sink or swim
Let my demons and ghosts creep up through the floorboards of my house to remind me of all the mistakes I made and people I wronged and who I loved and lost
Not to ever forget them and to keep them where I hold my secrets
I'll wrap barbed wire around my heart so no one dares to touch it
The smoke that I inhale acts as a fog that will keep me camouflaged under the cloak of my insecurities
So convoluted to hide all the pity bestowed onto me during my years as a teen
My naive mind goes in binds and intertwines with the fabric of your veins that hold our blood type
I am a tragic hero that has failed to keep his self worth on track
Fallen from my pride and ego that shatters like a vase on accident by a 3 year old with a ball
But I tell you all this
Failing is for all of us
Not just for a select few
Let us learn the ways of our mistakes and mold them to the cracks on the pavement
Let our bodies fail and tell our last story with our last breath only to go through another door and kiss the ones you love
Meet the heavens and greet the past lives you were meant to meet
Shake hands with God and remember that love will bring you back home
And as the curtains close on our lives and closure wraps around our rib cages I won't be sad that you will be leaving because I know you'll smile back at me one day when my legs grow numb and my lips stain the purity of language for the last time
And right now I'm no longer afraid of death
Proud as I am
I still love you
I always will.