A Recollection of Whitewashed Memories

by Sergeevich

supported by
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price

     

1.
03:30
2.
3.
02:37
4.

about

The dream is alive in you.

credits

released August 13, 2014

Guitar and Vocals: Artyom Kocherva

Production: Joshua Perna

Album Artwork: Austin Nicely

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Sergeevich Easton, Pennsylvania

Who is Anna Sergeevna Kocherva?

www.facebook.com/poemsbysergeevich

contact / help

Contact Sergeevich

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Deck of 52
They say in life you gotta deal with the hand you're delt with
Maybe I got a bad hand but I have this pen
To conjure up words with to speak soft sentiments and phrases to warm your fabric stained heart wrapped in a blanket just so you can keep warm on winter nights
To make your bones shiver and quake at the evocation of emotion that slowly binds you like vines on the highest bough on the tree of life
I have this fear of living my life
Being afraid of anything or anyone that moves near me in a cowardly process of masochism and self defeating prophecies
and to keep my past from creeping under my skin
And to raise my state of mind up from the bedrock I walk on every day to be put up on display like a statue that is molded by steel and stands tall through icy winters and blistering summers
Take away my hedonistic patterns of behavior that have molded my person into self righteous rants on how my way is best
Trying to realize how empathy works and being less sure about people, but to love them unconditionally through their flaws and imperfections that my love will encapsulate through the pores on their face
My love will drown all those who sink and shatter under the weight of my heavy heart
Time to jump in, sink or swim
Let my demons and ghosts creep up through the floorboards of my house to remind me of all the mistakes I made and people I wronged and who I loved and lost
Not to ever forget them and to keep them where I hold my secrets
I'll wrap barbed wire around my heart so no one dares to touch it
The smoke that I inhale acts as a fog that will keep me camouflaged under the cloak of my insecurities
So convoluted to hide all the pity bestowed onto me during my years as a teen
My naive mind goes in binds and intertwines with the fabric of your veins that hold our blood type
I am a tragic hero that has failed to keep his self worth on track
Fallen from my pride and ego that shatters like a vase on accident by a 3 year old with a ball
But I tell you all this
Failing is for all of us
Not just for a select few
Let us learn the ways of our mistakes and mold them to the cracks on the pavement
Let our bodies fail and tell our last story with our last breath only to go through another door and kiss the ones you love
Meet the heavens and greet the past lives you were meant to meet
Shake hands with God and remember that love will bring you back home
And as the curtains close on our lives and closure wraps around our rib cages I won't be sad that you will be leaving because I know you'll smile back at me one day when my legs grow numb and my lips stain the purity of language for the last time
And right now I'm no longer afraid of death
Proud as I am
I still love you
I always will.
Track Name: "The End of the First, Beginning of the Second."
You are reborn
and even though I barely have known you and probably will never will
I am prouder of how far you’ve come than some of the closest people that stand around me
You show yourself as who you are, no one can take that away from you
Arms stretched out, trying to catch what you thought was the wind was actually the sky and you hold yourself, now, stronger after the ball and chain is slowly disappearing from your heart and you are morphing into someone that you can truly believe in
I stand here, wishing I posses the strength you have, only to come up short and be tied down by the anchors and constraints of life
But I also understand, you are finally free to become the person you want to be and all I can see is true happiness, something I hope to attain one day
The biggest regret that I can speak out of my mouth to make vibrations so you can hear pure truth, is that, I really wish I took the time to know you
But life is pulling on our strings and watches as the world turns and pulls us apart
But I will always keep the strength of your inner being in my heart to make myself grow out of the molds and to make ourselves blossom to something more than we could ever know
I don’t consider you to be me, nor would I ever because your struggles aren’t mine and I hate to intertwine the binds that you’ve broken and ripped apart when you struggle to keep the vines off of you
Because I’ve known the world has abused you, yet you stand tall, look me right in the eye and will one day tell the person you love most, “I do”
And all of this, even when I leave you, I will still keep you in the back of my mind, on the city streets, where I will meet and greet more people like you
and share the story that I know of you, because what can I do but share the strength and hope of someone renewed to a fellow human being who deserves the same empathy as a person such as me
Some people will never know the old you, and knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss, and I hope you won’t ever have to explain how you’ve change and how its normal and no one is to blame, THIS IS HOW YOU ARE and I will stand beside you even if you need me or not, I will be a soldier on the front lines protecting the scars and damage that been caused for the name of humanity, and I’m no hero, just a decent human being trying to give a little bit of spare change to someone who will actually use it
So take my hand, brother and count with me the weeks and time that passes by us like strangers on a New York City sidewalk and we’ll become one with veins connected and blood type the same
All we can ignore the hate spewed from biased tongues and protect our love ones from shying lungs and to finally pontificate the meaning of being human in ourselves and what are we more than a bunch of water and vacuous cells
WE ARE PEOPLE, contrived to be more than just another empty soul, WE LOVE EACH OTHER MORE THAN WE COULD EVER KNOW AND WE UNDERSTAND THE NEEDS AND STRUGGLES OF OTHERS AS WE STAND WITH OUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS AND WE MAKE MORE OF HOME THAN JUST A SHELTER WE MAKE IT A SAFE SPACE FOR ONE ANOTHER AND ALL WE CAN DO IS SHARE THE LAUGHS AND MEMORIES BEFORE WE CRUMBLE INTO THE GROUND LIKE THE DIRT WE CAME FROM AND CHANT TO THE RHYTHM OF LIFE UNTIL THE BREATH OF LIFE LEAVES OUR SOULS
Track Name: Breathe Easy
As our time ends and friendships wistfully fade away like sand in an hourglass
We realize we’ll be forgotten
Replace like buried in the soil to never be dug up again
And we will move on with our lives
And so it goes Kurt Vonnegut says, as the temporary idea of life sinks into our souls never to be outgrown, only to become more bold as age climbs up the ladder of numbers
My heart is still beating for you and even though I cannot prove it, I can convolute it to slip into your subconscious mind as I bind myself to memories I cannot longer recreate
Wearing your hopes and dreams on my sleeve where you’ll finally realize that your goals in life were just illusions to keep you from that the best things in life will never be freed
As I’m locked into my own subconscious, I believe that love is out of our reach and you realize we will never see each other again
To be fully honest, I’m more than happy to leave you behind and all I really want from you is to shine bright from above and to be a beacon of home from when troubled nights ahead of me make me weary
Streetlights will guide my way back home, wherever that is, and put me somewhere where I can truly believe in myself
If I catch another second with you I’ll take these stars out of the sky and place them into my hand and juggle the cosmos trying to make you laugh as I always do
Broken hearts will be speed bumps on the road and you will show your scars to future lovers and beggars by glass shards
Suburban households that are created out of cookie cutter molds will craft my finest art as cityscapes haunt my thoughts as I try to see whether not I can be the man I was once
Drowning an ocean of web based thinking and countless cigarettes as Neptune’s winds emulate the water that fills my lungs
And when I die my last thoughts will be of you
Not knowing where you are or who’ve you become but comforted at least that I have a lasting thought that will pervade me
Track Name: The Last Poem I'll Ever Write About You
You were a poem written at 1 in the morning
When I’d laid there by my bedside
Begging for some relief
But I’m going to let that poem die inside
like I let the love that ran through my veins for you die
Because I could not admit I was in love with a lie
You weren’t the lie, but I lied to myself
Thinking you we’re going to save me
But then I realized nothing was going to save me
and I don’t deserved to be saved, anyway
I know I was wrong in idealizing you, but you were my first
And I was vulnerable and didn’t know what to do
Hindsight is 20/20 and I was a moth and you we’re a light
driving me back home
When I watched that light flicker out in front of me
The opportunity gave way to great mystery
You knew what exactly was going on with me but you could never articulate it
with vibrations so strong they could have rocked bridge cables
The seismographs’ reading would come back from my heart
They’d see the earthquake split it apart
The damage was irreversible, time is our only ally
So I let you slip between my fingers like sand
To let you go back to the ocean
And find someone else again
But the irony of this whole poem is
It’s one in the morning and this dying poem
Is finally getting relief by my bedside.